Member
For the low, low price of an international gym membership, you can get an exclusive pass to this premier sweat lodge, which occasionally doubles as a fitness center. They've pioneered a revolutionary "desert simulation" program where amenities like air conditioning and cold water are considered distractions from your suffering. The rules are curated by the warden himself--my apologies, the owner--who's more interested in what you're doing in your personal life than what you're lifting in his gym. He's established a brilliant "anti-social" club where human interaction is a punishable offense unless it's with your designated cellmate. And gentlemen, please cover up those offensive arms; we wouldn't want your progress to be visible. Apparently, the only "guns" allowed on display are the ones held to your head when the fee is due. He really knows how to get his hands in everyone's business instead of on the broken equipment. You don't just get a workout; you get a full-blown interrogation from a man whose only successful heavy lifting is inserting himself into your private affairs. It's not a gym, it's a high-priced prison with a dress code and a nosy overlord.